Getting to High Elo for feeders
 

Hi there, I'm Yellow Jester. You might remember me from such threads as "how to cheat at league of legends" and "Mundo is the most OP carry in the game." As you can see, I'm obviously credible.

If you have found this guide chances are that you are a bad player and you want to troll people who will be more angry at you for doing so, i.e. high elo players. But how to get there? Don't you have to be GOOD to win matches? Ha, ha, ha, oh dear i'm sorry i nearly got that one out with a straight face. Of COURSE you don't. That's why you're here.

People always ask high elo players: "High elo players, why am I in this Elo? I don't deserve to be here." "Of course you do, timmy," says High elo players, "because if you didn't deserve to be there, you wouldn't be!" Of course this is all backed up by complicated numbers and theory, but most people just want to know how they can get out of what they refer to as "ELO HELL." Well fear not, timmys of the world, for I have the ever-so-simple solution.

Most people approach the question of how to win ranked games from the viewpoint that they are, as a player, not bad. This is ludicrous of course, and it has been scientifically proven that all high elo players are where they deserve to be and that low elo players are never good. Here is a common assumption:

The theory is that any good player would be able to carry the 4 bad players on their team, because there are 5 bad players on the opposing team. This can all be expressed mathematically (all good players are equally good, and all bad players are equally bad), but let's just skip to the details.

The problem with the above assumption is that it is fundamentally flawed! You ARE a ragequitter/leaver/etc, so if you are trying to read guides about how to get yourself out by being GOOD, the assumptions made at the very beginning don't even apply to you, and as such it's impossible for you to get any help out of the guide! Since there is, in any given game, between 1 and 4 other players on your team, and between 1 and 5 players on the enemy team, there is an 80% chance that in any given game you will be gifted a player who will be capable of carrying you. So really the secret to climbing your elo higher is to just queue up a TON of ranked games (preferably with a scrub friend of yours to increase the chance that the remaining 3 players on your team are able to carry you) and just pray for the best!

Let's hear from some testimonials:

FAQ:
1
Mister Safrada

All the guides written by High Elo players state that any good player should be able to carry any given 4 bad players. However since there is only ever 1 good player in any game (as evidenced by the first quote in the original post), any attempt on your part to be good will detract from the other player's ability to carry you. Keep trolling and don't stop until you feel the sweet victory of the enemy nexus exploding.

2
Hellow mister Satanizzer. I addressed this very question in the main post. Let me help you with that. It's ok, I know you are bad at reading, happens to the best of us.

As you can clearly see, the situation that you have just described is impossible and has never happened. Thanks for reading this thread, hope it helps!

3
Dear samuwen: Despite how counterintuitive it may sound, I'm right and you're wrong.

Lol'd. Would read again.

I lol'ed.

Yep

Quote:
Originally Posted by Guardsman Bob
Matchmaking is a fat joke. I play solo mid warwick and stomp at 2000 elo.

I read that in his voice....i watch his streams too much

This is fkin hilarious, nice post.

guardsman bob hasn't been to 2000 elo and he sucks bawls

"Vegeta! What does the scouter say about this thread's power level?"
"IT'S OVER 9000!"

Roit hier dis men1!11one!!

Best. Would reply again.