On the purple team, in the middle of fighting Baron Nashor, Lux, Miss Fortune, Garen, Katarina, and Jarvan were wearing thin. It was only 17 minutes in and they were very much worse for the wear. Katarina was panting, her top ripped to the point where another inch would have cost the Institute of War millions for failing to censor the live broadcast. Garen was leaning on his sword, having taken a knee, winded and drenched in sweat. Lux's magic use had taken its toll and she too was leaning on her weapon. Sarah Fortune was on her back, still resolutely firing. Only Jarvan stood strong, dueling with the giant monster. Lance and flag met sinew and claw as they fought. Without warning, an all-too familiar ring formed around the hapless Baron-seeking purple team. Lux screamed out the first warning cry: "MANDROOOOOOOOOOOOP!" But Katarina spoke up. "Pantheon isn't in this matchup."
It had to be now. Alistar, Singed, Volibear, Lulu and Annie took their appointed positions. Volibear rushed toward Singed in a blaze of glory, whipping him high into the sky. Alistar slammed his fists into the ground, sending Annie to meet him. As the collided in midair, Annie's small form was launched halfway across the map thanks to an aerial headbutt from Alistar. From her vantage point half a mile above Baron pit, she threw her teddy bear. With a roar of fury, Tibbers began his rapid descent.
The giant shadow looked from below like a flaming meteorite to those below. The sheer sight of it drove those under it into a panic induced state, running around mindlessly. When their senses regained, Jarvan made a last ditch effort to contain the blast. "DEMACIA!!!!!!!! I'm HELPING!" he cried, as he slammed his lance down, creating a ring around himself... in the midst of his allies.
Utter carnage followed. Witnesses say a bent and melted lance was found next to what appeared to be the remains of Katarina's clothing, near blue team's Ancient Lizard. Lux and Garen's remains were found next to each other, Sarah Fortune's pistols in pieces near them. Laying nude in the purple team's bottom lane bush, in a lover's last kiss, was the owner of the pistols, her lips locked tight to the Sinister Blade's. Baron and the pit itself were so irrevocably slaughtered from the direct impact that a giant poro was given its place, while Singed and Volibear were given the task of throwing the pit back together.
Rule 4762: Volibear is no longer allowed to fling allied children.
Addendum: Or yordles.
Rule 4763: Singed either.
Rule 4764: Lulu is no longer allowed to cast her ultimate on Tibbers.
Rule 4765: Blue team summoner number 5 has been replaced with a substitute. Shortly after his last game as Jarvan he apparently fell down the stairs to the Institute of War. Ten times. And was then run over by Hecarim. And in his wounded state, delirium made him face-check Fiddlesticks's room.