Oh, that's cute. You think I'm a freak; let me get on your level. Now, do you have anything else to say or should I just let one of those all-male striptease troupes know that they've found a new member? I could even tell Ezreal and Taric about your new job.

-The Serpent's Embrace

(Just as an aside, the flavor I'm going for is Queen B*tch of the Universe, but barely repressing completely psychotic tendencies, as seen when she loses it and goes AAAAAH!)

Do you eat bananas?

Hello, Cassiopeia. I know, I'm a Demacian. Let's keep these things civil. Besides, I do have a question. I've spent my life ensuring I maintain my humanity. I ask you, how are you doing in that same regard? ...aside from pet store issues.

No. I despise their smell. You are aware that this question only furthers your stereotype, do you not?

My humanity? I act as I used to - oh, sure, it's pretty much impossible for me to go on a date now, and I get stares, but otherwise not much changed. Fine, that's a lie. People are so shallow when it comes to things like that - I would know, though. Otherwise I just think about why I'm in the League - to serve Noxus. Occasionally, of course, I do get urges, and then tragic incidents at pet stores ensue.

-The Serpent's Embrace

Hm. The Ionians helped me a lot in mastering my control... but I suspect that this is out of the question for you. Udyr would likely be willing to help, but he would help the other way, insisting you give in to your snake side.

Dating, though... as shallow as humans are, I've seen the heart overcome some pretty huge things. Let me ask you, where have you looked for men? Men more attuned to nature would likely be far more likely to consider you. ...Udyr, for example.

But....but....I like bananas. What does that have to do with steroid types?

You are almost as bad as the monkey. I will say again, I am not interested in men.

I found an ally...

Not at the rate you make friends. You will be at each other's throats in a week or less.

Play nice, boys.

Hey Cass, sorry about what happened to you. But don't think you're not still an attractive woman! How about we go to Bilgewater. We can go to one of the classier Ladies Clubs. A lot of guys poke around there, hoping to pick up the women who come and go. And if we don't land a guy, I'll spot you a few copper pieces to toss at the dancers inside~. Waddya say?