Originally Posted by MiaoLong
Hey now... it's a fair criticism, these stories are based of the game, so there's good reason to try and emulate their style. That said, I think your story is pretty **** good, it's a little choppy in some points, I'd look at improving the development of information in some places, but overall, I think you're doing quite well.
Thank you, but, I'd prefer if people like him wouldn't comment on this story like that, it's fan fiction, so I make what happens, when it happens, and how it happens. And I'm always half asleep when I make chapters, because it's the last thing I do before heading off.