Originally Posted by Dakzu
Thanks. I'd love to know what you didn't like about it. For constructive criticism and to get better!
I think that you could have given her more Dialog in tribunal scene... at least had her comment on ether how she viewed her action or try to defend them in some way.
You wouldn't even need to add that much, could easily have her start out talking and then have the elder cut her off with sending her to the roof if she started to defend her actions.
Idk like I said it was a good story... I wouldn't call it great due to how short it is...
Longer fics of the same calaber of writing can become great due to the readers invest ment to the character. however with this being very short it is hard to get that attached to the characters mainly due to how every fic about LoL is a new world and the Fannon is not really that astablished.
So for a two chapter story, which contains a simple three act set up of (The Fight/The Trial/The Judgement) it is decent... although I think the second act was a bit lacking and we didn't get enough insight into Leona through thoughts or anything she said.
So once again I like'd it... i enjoy your writing, if you took on longer projects rather than a short story I think I would enjoy it even more because you could take your time building up the emotions and then when the pay off hits.... it would be awesome...
In short this story feels like chapter 3-4 of a longer story and I kinda wish I had read chapter 1-2 before reading this one. ^_^
Her teaming up with Graves, maybe fighting with him first, Some subtle interaction with Panth or even Diana in a chapter before could do a lot to have her being pushed to the actions she took.
In short you have talent... now give yourself enough of a canvas(More chapters) to work with and show it off, and build a view of the world people can really have come to life.