Originally Posted by YYEEAARRGGHH
The entire thing made me feel so bad for katarina, wasn't even funny.
It also made me feel bad for those people i hesitated to help support when they were getting ganked, then they die horrible deaths.
Whole cliffhanger was like walking in slow motion from Nunu ultimate and having to wait 3 days to see if you escape the explosion alive. And you escape the Nunu, only to have Chapter 11 pop around the corner like a Yi with ultimate up. And you're not sure if you'll make it through the pain, until 3 days later. Arrr.....
While I saw what you were going with the whole "Voices nagging me", it might be a bit more clear to label it as her "consciousness" or "Guilt", really make it obvious that she's being split apart inside by her family, her duty as a spy, and her (desires?/"friendship"), which you could obviously see when she breaks down end of chapter 10, beginning of 11. The extra little smack on the readers head to really get the point through that her feelings are being torn asunder by her "mission", and that she's really struggling to do this. Beating a dead horse works on this occasion, since its the central plot to your story (so far as I can see.)
PS. Take my literature advice with a pound of salt. Engineer Major, Terrible at Literature, but it might provide a useful opinion (more obvious emotion tearing to make us all even sadder than we read it the first time.)
PSS. Please make it a happy end. Beating the dead horse for all its tears and a few more would make me actually cry.
I don't want you to be great at Literature. I want someone to tell me how it is, and I thank you and Eredaar for those honest replies. When I finish out the story and have time, I'm going back to tweak a few things with the story, and this will probably be one of them. Nothing major, just better word choices and the like. The plot will remain the same, no worries, lol.
I will try not to beat a dead horse (because that's inhumane!) for the ending, but they're not going to magically have everything solved for them and run away to be together. I already gave that disclaimer at the beginning. My apologies, but with how things are going now, it would be close to impossible to have a realistic way of obtaining that ending. I don't think you'll cry all yours tears and a few more, but the ending may make you reflect, and that may make you cry, if that makes sense.
/end possible spoilers XD