Originally Posted by Cerubois
I read chapter 2, and I need to say something possibly negative...
I'm not sure if you were just having her play the innocent blonde while talking to the summoner, as there were a few things that seemed to hint at that? If so, a sentence or two of her hidden thoughts might clue in the reader. If not... I'll just be unhappy.
Actually, that was precisely what I was aiming for. But I'll go back through and see what can be done to make a little bit more obvious but without outright saying things.
Also, thank you so much. This is EXACTLY why I posted my story here. I knew I needed help with a few things, this flavor of the story specifically. Thank you <3
Edit: "hidden thoughts" need to stay hidden as best as they can be, so it's a hard line to walk. But I guess I'm making them hidden too well. I should throw a few bones to smart cookies for figuring things out before they happen