So I've been on the fanfiction forums for almost a year now, and it's brought to light a lot of things I never knew about myself. I credit these discoveries to both the people who read the stories I write, and the people whom I've had the pleasure of meeting during my time here. For a majority of the forum my name may only come to mind as "Oh he wrote that one story." and to others my name might spark the thought "Oh there's Shane"(That's my actual name by the way.) But to each person I meet their comments or messages with a kindness that has been brought to me by the kindness that the forum has shown me. It is for that reason that I wish to make known some recent events in my life, and the overall implication that this forum played in the matter.
Early last week(the last week of November) I was hospitalized for multiple days for a drug overdose. For people on the forum it might come as a shock, and for people who know me personally it may not come as a shock, but in either event it came as a shock to me. It appeared only a few hours prior that I was having a swell time with some friends, and preparing to go to class as usual. But as I spent the last couple hours of my free time the light was stricken from my eyes, and the encompassing blackness was all that filled my mind. I could not talk, could not see, could not move, and all the while thoughts played through my head. I wondered what had happened, where I was and what I was doing. I wondered who was with me. A single thought crossed through my mind that seeming forced my eyes open, and it was the thought of all the help and support I had received from the forum over the last year. When my eyes came open it was Thursday(I overdosed on monday). I was in a hospital bed with a pounding in my head. An IV projected from my right hand and a kind woman stood to the left of me. As my eyes opened I saw a very quick facial expression change of this woman followed by the statement "So you finally woke up."
I've been out of the hospital for 5 days now and am recovering, but I'm left with a certain disappointment in myself for the actions which I can't remember. Of all the events last week I remember almost nothing from Monday-Midday Thursday, and it has both physically and emotionally shaken me. I don't pretend to be invincible or that I'm untouchable because the same rules that apply to you also apply to me. I wanted to bring to light these events out of the respect that I hold for so many of the people that I have met on this forum, and to let everybody know that I'm alright. I've been quiet over the last 5 days as I try to work my way back into daily life and cope with realization of just how close to death I came. It's left me with a new perspective on life, and I've come to appreciate so much more of the little things that exist in my everyday life, whether it be a friendly "hello" at the bus stop or just waking up in the morning to see a new review for a story of mine.
I do not remember actual events that took place but I remember the feeling that I had the entire time, and the thoughts that ran through my head. Many of the thoughts were of people from the forum as you've formed a family of vastly spread apart loved ones, and I wanted to let you all know that I'm alright. I appreciate all the help that each and every one of you has given me over the course of the last year. You've all helped me in some way whether it be large or small is inconsequential, you're all a part of my life, and it's a life that I look forward to keep living day by day, and I hope that you'll all remain in it.