It is a melancholy truth that all bad things must come to an end. While I am pleased to report that last year’s food critic challenge left no survivors, the Valoran Department of Health is sending a Demacian regiment to forcefully shut me down. But you may step one last time into the flames as I unveil my most malicious culinary masterpiece. My guests should be arriving any moment now to partake in my 42-course feast for the ages…
- As the evening’s entertainment, Royal Shaco has promised a sidesplitting tribute to my dastardly delights. I only hope it doesn’t involve a musical skit with anthropomorphic food exulting their delicious sacrifice like he has done before. Nothing puts guests off their appetites quite like a turkey performing an interpretative dance titled “Kill Me.” 260 RP
- It seems only fitting that, considering his massive blades, Rune Wars Renekton should honor us by carving the roast beast. He slices and dices like no other champion I know! Leave the bloodiest cuts for me, please. 487 RP
- Primal Udyr, don’t turtle into your shell. Here, have everything in a bucket; that way you can eat with your bear paws. I’m only joking, no need to switch to Tiger Stance. I’ll even put the garlic pepper quail eggs on top! 487 RP
- Calm down, Diana. The quinoa pilaf being tossed with sun-dried tomatoes does not give you leave to proselytize the virtues of nocturnally-harvested produce. Take your plate and eat outside. I’m sure the moon will keep you better company than us. 487 RP
- Oh dear…in Blitzcrank’s haste to get at the casserole de haricots verts, he rocket-grabbed the entire platter of turkey tartare—not to mention the rest of my tablescape! What a mess! For my next dish, I may have to try something with a more metallic aftertaste. 487 RP
- Who’s that blur zipping around tidying everything? Oh, Kennen, what do you think you are doing? Did you think you can cut your own slice of my cranberry-pecan-pumpkin tart? Don’t test me, just take care with that maelstrom of yours and I’m sure we’ll all leave with our extremities intact. 487 RP
Well, no need to clear these dirty dishes, just throw them across the floor! I’ll be serving courses from November 20 to November 23. But once the food is gone, it’s gone, and they can’t stop me from hawking painful pastries on the battlefield of Summoner’s Rift.
