Yes yes yes ~ ! I think this makes way more sense to her lore and to her role as a caster - albeit one that deals no damage. Even the way you wrote the flavor text of this newly revised skill has way more synergy than your previous Q.

bump

Lore Progress Report:
I've now done about 6 revisions of my lore (correcting, rewriting, correcting, fixing tenses, rewriting, and so on). It somehow hit 1400 words (which is a little over 1 page at 8pt font) and I thought that was a little too long. So with the last revision, while I was happy with it, I am working on slimming it down by a couple of lines (it's about 1200 and fits on one page now at least, so it's about 30-40% longer than the currently posted lore). I should hopefully have the new lore up by tomorrow, Tuesday.


I am also still hoping to hear from some more people on their thoughts on Shia's Main Body Q: Stay Away!. If you didn't notice a couple posts back:
~ Last post on Page 6.
~ 3rd post on Page 5
Both of those I placed posted possible changes to the current Stay Away!. Personally I'm leaning toward changing it to the one on page 6, but wanted some other people's opinions (thank's Liam for responding, would like more than one opinion though).



- Kat

Alright, got it done a little earlier than I thought.

So it's out today, yay =^.^=

-----------

Changes:
- Lore Updated
-----with 7 total revisions
-----5 personal people I know looking over the story to make sure it sounds nice
-----2 of which play League and know League lore
-----1 of those who even cosplayed as Kassadin
-----also had 2 English teachers look it over for corrections, proper tense and punctuation
-----Yes, the Lore is really long, so here is a comparison of the length of Lore in League
- - - - - - Standard length of lore in LoL is around 300 words
- - - - - - Here are the longest lore in LoL (by # of words)
- - - - - - - - - Rengar ~ 372
- - - - - - - - - Karthus ~ 412
- - - - - - - - - Nami ~~~ 407
- - - - - - - - - Vi ~~~~~~ 427
- - - - - - - - - Soraka ~~ 443
- - - - - - - - - Zed ~~~~ 456
- - - - - - - - - Elise ~~~ 681 (305 actual lore size, but there are lots of Riven and Elise quotes because TT map remake, making her lore longer)
- - - - - - - - - Shia ~~~ 1231 (was at 1474 at one point, but slimmed it down a bit)
- - - - - - - - - (Shia's original lore was 620 and can be seen in the PDF's)

So as you can see, while Riot originally had only insanely short lore, they have been improving. Now we are starting to get some more fleshed out stories. Though yes, Shia's lore is still quite long (but I do like it like that...).

- Main Body's Q: Stay Away!
-----Massive revamp to the ability
-----No longer is a passive, but an active cone skillshot wave slow
-----Details on the original post
-----Original version of Stay Away! can be found on the PDF's attached at the bottom of the OP

----------------------



Hope it all goes over well,
- Kat


P.S. Can talk about reasoning behind what I did in the lore and how Kassadin was used if people would like to talk about it.



*edit
I suppose I could cut off the first paragraph about the Void to help make it shorter, but that would only take of 62 words, making it 1169 words long. That doesn't seem that shorter....

Found out how to link specific posts in threads now.

Added a "Useful Posts" section to the bottom of the original thread now with links directly to posts. Hopefully it's helpful and makes it so you don't have to sort through everything for certain information. There are plenty of other useful posts that I didn't mark, but I tried to keep the list short. Anything more and you might as well just read the rest of the posts (which you are more then welcome to do to see other thoughts, processes of mine, and comments from others).


- Kat

Huh... looks like you cannot add a poll to an existing thread... well that's a bit of a downer.

Anywho, looking for anyone brave enough to read my Champion Concept to review it.

I am perfectly willing to look up and post comparisons of abilities for you if you request specific ones. I will also discuss any part of Shia, from her lore, visual description abilities or anything else you can think of. All I ask is for a post telling me what you think of Shia =^.^=


- Kat

bump

Holy Lore Stories Batman! When it comes to stories that tug at the heart, this one takes the cake. Maybe's it's my inner child saying 'Sounds like us!' in terms of shyness but I like this concept. Out of the ones I've viewed and the one's I've made posts in, this is definately up there. Malzahar would have to be more careful on the field now that the hunter has an ally. XD

Thank you very much for taking the time to read the Lore and comment HeroicLegend =^.^=

I'm glad that it sounds like you enjoyed it.

One of the biggest points I wanted to make when making this lore was that Shia is innocent. She never does anything wrong, yet is treated differently and she feels the need to change because of that. Yet, I didn't want her to feel angry or want vengeance. Did not want her to become a big ball of hate. Instead she managed to change her appearance (well, using her doppel at least) to fit in and now enjoys her life in her small town. This was also to be different than many of the other champions that seem to be scorned and angry (like Diana, love her much, but she has issues).

The other point is on Kassadin. Since he is one of the 5 champions that have something to do with the Void, I decided on him in the story. It was either Kassadin or Malhazar. If Malhazar found Shia first, I could see him playing with her emotions and using them to cause Shia to want revenge on the world, an ending I did not want. Kassadin on the other hand is the only human to be affected by the Void, yet retain some sanity. I felt that Kassadin, while having a great enmity toward anything from the Void, he was not unreasonable as to strike out at anything without thinking. This hopefully would give Shia time to tell her story while his blade is halted. Also, Kassadin seems as if his mind is still fighting against the Void's influence. That and his daughter being kidnapped by Malhazar and tossed in the Void. Both of those things may cause him to try and find a more permanent way to keep the Void out of ones mind. Shia, being from the Void, yet not under its influence, he could perhaps glean information on how she naturally keeps it at bay... Kassadin, since he is already part of the League, allowed me to give a real reason for Shia to join the League as well.

Well, now I'm rambling again. Those where just some of the thoughts I had while making the last 7 revisions of Shia's lore.


- Kat

bumped for reviewal