The newsletter that normally hosts the various "Ask Champion" columns arrives with a new entry this week. At the top of the column is a picture of the League's own Evelynn, sitting in a reclining chair, in front of a fireplace, wearing an open velvet smoking jacket and holding a clear crystal chalice containing an unidentifiable red liquid. Though it appears she's wearing little underneath the jacket, she is proudly sporting a pair of four inch stiletto heels.

Greetings from an undisclosed location that has a wonderfully crafted hearth. I enclosed a photograph of it to make everyone less fortunate jealous.

My contacts throughout the League believe joining in on this written letter fiasco will be good for my publicity. Seeing as how I normally take great pains to avoid publicity, I stabbed him.

His replacement assured me that this was a great way to make myself more popular not just among any fans I might have, but my fellow champions as well. Though I fail to see why I would want to socialize with any of you heavy-footed mouth-breathers, I occasionally find myself bored and might want to work on my penmanship.

So, if you have a question for the glamorous and perpetually thirsty Evelynn, ask. Expect me to be cryptic and dismissive. It's part of my charm.

OOC: Working on my smurf account now. I had an idea and I wanted to run with it before I forgot it.

Evelynn.. what exactly are you? And what is that marking on your forehead?

-The Dawn

Eve, What're your spikes made out of? They don't seem very solid but they're quite painful in my tails.~

- Ahri

(( Smurf up bro. ))

Why is you skin blue?

Um... is your outfit really that comfortable to wear?

Ah, this question. I knew it was coming. Well then, I'll let the cat out of the bag and finally confirm exactly what I am.

I am a one eyed, one horned, flying purple people eater. I come from Candy Mountain and was raised by magical mole men. My birth name is actually Barbados and I'm heir to the highly-coveted Throne of Sprinkles. The mark on my forehead is the symbol of my people, so they can recognize me as their princess through the notoriously harsh cinnamon storms.

Satisfied?

I shape the shadows themselves, darling Ahri. When you are struck by my Hate Spikes, you are being assailed by darkness as solid as steel.


I eat a diet consisting primarily of plums and drink colloidal silver smoothies. Now, I have a question for you, Karthus: How can you sing so well when your vocal cords are decayed?

Oh, it grows on you after awhile. Of course, I'd prefer to wear less...

By the power of the same dark magic that binds me here.

Charming.

Teo shields his eyes.

No thanks. I'll stick to yordles.

((She's perfect for you, Vinyl.))

Why?! There's no need to show off your body! Why would anyone want to do that?!