I will review this later on today when I get the opportunity.

Her new ult is a lot better, nice work.

This is actually sort of interesting right off the get-go. We have a melee assassin but her title is "The Dream Catcher" which feels very mystical and caster-ish. It's a fun little dynamic you have setup. I'm eager to see what you did with it.

Stats are not my forte. Going to assume you looked them up and put in appropriate values. Nothing jumped out at me here. Which is a good thing, you rarely want stats to jump out :-P

I like the Maokai-esque build-up. To my knowledge it isn't utilized often and I like that you're using it here. What I don't like is the virtually free CC this provides (which can be devastating with all the spells that go off in team fights). You did attach it to the use of an ability, but this only matters if all of her abilities have long CDs. If she has even one short-CD ability then this is overpowered in its current form.

I would either reduce the effect of the CC significantly (like 0.2 or 0.4 seconds), dramatically increase the number of charges required, or, and this is my personal suggestion: find a new passive.

Free CC is hard to balance no matter how you cut it.

Alright, so some good and bad with this. Going to start with...

The bad: Another AP Assassin-ish character with a mark ability. Katarina, Diana, Akali, all of these characters are AP Assassins and ALL of them have a Q that marks. While it's neat for them, I know of no hard fast rule that says "AP Assassins must mark targets". I'd like to see some designs that branch away from that.

That being said...

The good: You did something different with the mark. Granted, it's sort of old-school Katarina a bit in vibe, but, at the very least, it's different than how any of the current marks function, to my knowledge. I like options and having things like marks which set-up interactions with other abilities.

However, if you really wanted to make it different, it might be neat to see every ability apply some sort of mark and each mark have some very minor effect on the next ability. Nothing too complicated like the DOTA Voker, but something slightly more involved from a gameplay standpoint that breaks away from the AP Melee Assassin "mark" tradition.

Or, maybe, if you just want to keep the Q - mark concept, you could make it a skillshot. Would be sort of fun to see a Melee character with a long-range Q skillshot that applies a mark (sort of like Diana, but different since the mark interacts with more than just the ult).


Why a flat reduction? Just curious.

It's a decent ability to have in the kit, but I admit it seems a little... dull. The interaction with Q spices it up a bit though, which is nice.

What's the range of this dash? That determines a lot of the power of this skill. Flavor wise, it's a fairly standard dash, and it doesn't FEEL particularly interesting.

Her ult is... just a fear? Does it do damage at least?

The concept is creative, but it needs to do a lot more than just a fear (even if the fear is potentially VERY long). Also, I think it would make more mechanical sense for it to last longer on lower-health targets and would sort of fit with the AP Melee Assassin role of being clean-up.

Overall Abilities:
I wanted to offer more, but, ultimately, it's hard to comment. The kit definitely has potential, but, presently, it feels a little... empty.

There's potential here and a decent dose of thought. I know you want this champion to be something fun and dynamic and that's why I can trust that you will be able to come back with a much better finished product if you put a bit more time and creative energy into seeing this through all the way.

Consider every ability and consider how they interact as a whole unit too. What sort of moves makes her fun, what sort of moves feel exceptionally rewarding? Imagine the best-case scenarios with her ultimate, with her combos? Is it epic and satisfying? Can she pull them off with a variety of comps or are you forced to think of certain characters only seems to do well with?

Consider all of these things. Make sure she has a fully fleshed, inspiring and independent creative design and I know you will have something impressive on your hands.

Now on to something I'm particularly good at critiquing....

Interesting. Though it begets a very honest question: what was her life like before the nightmares? I'm not asking for a full life story. However, a small bit of contrast in the beginning will create for a more solid and fleshed out character.

Hmm, do all of those exist in this world? Doctors do, obviously, though they may simply go by the name of healer. However, fantasy worlds are always a little quirky in that they sometimes incorporate modern concepts into a medieval setting. However, I haven't traditionally seen Psychologists or Psychiatrists as such an incorporation. And, as a concept, they are relatively new to the scheme of things. Most often others played the role of counselor before, but they did not go by such titles.

Small nit pick point of language, of course. However, to have the very best and most convincing lore, you have to be willing to focus on even the smallest details and how they affect things like immersion. People have to suspend their disbelief for fantasy to work. It's already hard enough given all of the peculiarities of the worlds out there that have been created. However, paramount above all else is that suspension of disbelief. Do anything to break that level of illusion and you will lose the reader.

I see the effect you're trying to create here, but it really doesn't come out quite the way you want. I like the attempts at using imagery though, as creating an image is far more valuable than telling someone something. All the same, you use far too many words to express a point that is more easily captured succinctly. Spend the value of images capturing other details (such as the earlier mentioned childhood), also maybe the nightmares themselves.

All of this nightmare stuff makes me wonder if she has any unique interaction with Nocturne!

Lots of fantasy tales get away with the mysterious intervention of fate. However, such a plot device must be earned rather than simply used for convenience. If you can't earn it, then the reader begins to question why such a woman shows on her door. Who could such a woman be that would be so powerful and all-knowing? Instead, give a reason for these two women to meet that actually has some depth to it and suggests things of their character.

This is interesting. Claudia thinking the woman a fraud is interesting. Her parents' hesitance and yet still deciding to also says something. In spite of that, both statements lack the power you're looking for and leave me feeling iffy. I see what you're going for and I'm wondering if it's worth the words invested into it.

The dream catcher revelation, however, is everything you wanted it to be. Mysterious. Intriguing. Powerful. I want to know more!

Question time!

If this is not a unique affliction, how many people does it affect? Even if the population afflicted is small, wouldn't someone have heard about it and brought it up to her parents before? It does, of course, explain the woman showing up at the door, if someone told her. That much is nice, at least. However, it seems strange that an affliction, even if rare, that has affected others, is something that healers would not eventually recognize and tell the parents, "yeah, that, that's what this is and we can't help you."

Skeptically*

Also. This part has the potential to be amazing. This is where you want to paint and image and use your words to fully evoke something amazing. Instead, you just end up telling the reader and falling short of the true potential of what you have here. This is an integral part into discussing who she is. Don't lose that opportunity.

So this is an epidemic that healers did not recognize? Seems a bit unlikely...

content, not contempt :-P

Well, there's the Nocturne connection! Woot. I love that little bit in there. Though it would be nice to see a sort of "anti-nocturne" flavor in her abilities to match.

Overall Lore:
You have an interesting character and a potentially interesting story, but it needs work. I would HIGHLY suggest working with one of the writers on this forum (like iZianni, I think Poet is on hiatus from writing) to really get your lore down solid. Let them use your creative idea and give it a lot of polish in addition to some stabilization of problematic plot and story issues as I outlined in my critique.

You have something awesome here. I'd love to see it made truly epic.

By the way, if you want to show me some love. Fola.

Wow dude....you really took the time to comment! and that much? Thanks so much! i'm gonna change some things in Claudia, she's only at basics at the moment. I will work on her a lot more thanks again!

Bump...