Hehehehehe! Wait, why am I writing down my laughter? Oh nevermind.
It is I, Heimerdinger. Wait, you seriously thought I was insane? Oh please. So long as they think I'm mad, I can work on getting myself out of this dump. Well, MAYBE I've gone a little mad. I've been repeatedly blinding Vladimir and stealing his blood ball to write with and further the facade.
But given how terrible I am, how could I be unforgotten? Well, most of these fools only think that the only mode worth playing is that stupid map with the river. I say that the only purpose of Summoner's Rift is for the latest overpowered Summoner Strategy to penetrate. Too slow in my view, so lewd to watch.
No, I'm fueled by the Crystal Scar. You see, there's an odd dynamic to Dominion, in which 4 champions head for Windmill and 1 champion heads for the lane between the two bottom points. It is there that I truly shine. Yes, I'm still prey to good teams who know how to gank, but there are so many pubs to stomp...it is bliss.
There's also the "murder bridge." I absolutely adore that map, no matter how much I would prefer we all had peace.
Of course, while I do anticipate my rework, I'm more than content in the meantime.
Karma is the only one I've ever told my tale--it's almost like we've formed a spiritual bond! She loves Murder Bridge even more than I do! Her silence (and lack of hard crowd control) is but a ruse. We've enlightened more than ONE fool about her AP ratios!
Incidentally, Swain's ravens told me that her rework is coming some time later this month. We'll be ready for it!
Bwahaha! No matter how sympathetic I feel towards my fellow champions, I can't help but laugh, since Urgot's been dominating Dominion since the dawn of time! He managed to find Talon's old Black Cleaver (and don't worry, he used to carry two around), and he wrecks everything! Why, he's even starting to see people pick him up again on Summoner's Rift--what a Riot!
Not only that, but it's so EASY to just disconnect his eye-lights to fool the wardens. Oh, it was especially easy to fool Teemo--in fact, I'm thinking HE's the one who got the lobotomy, if my Patch Beforehand Emulator is right about the Lightbringer rework. I'll be letting them know the truth soon.
Sadly, other than our superior status, we're in an even worse state than the Summoner's Rift champions right now.
I'll explain later--Darius incoming, need to hide this! Good thing my turrets have goggle compartments...