And the resulting child was a League of Legends champion, what would their abilities be?
Your first love in real life.
Passive: Elitist - Your kid always thinks they are better than everyone else, so much so that when they attack others they feel inferior, lowing their ad and ap by 5%
Q - I'm Foreign: America sucks, they're just here because... well that doesn't matter. Their foreign ness makes them annoy people to the point that they take damage and are stunned.
W - Pick A Language - Cycles between the five languages they speak, each one with a different effect
E - That's Indie - Everyone else is a conformist, but Indie kid dashes to them and smacks them with indieness.
R - Bite - Likes to bite, ranking this skill up gives them more biting power. Bites hurt n stuff.