Can't tell if srs or troll.

Swain is one son of ***** played right.

Yea just use lazer bird and lead them with q

I go r > e > w > q in skill building
Start ring and potion
I'll start with either q or w, depending on my opponent. If I can easily harass, q, if I can't get near, w is better. Learn to judge where they'll run into after the delay on w. Get some weak harassment in with q or w to take them down a bit. Get all three skills by level 3. From there on, if you can land your snare, run in with e and q dropping ignite as soon as e is on them. If you're doing it right, you should have a kill between levels 3 and 6.

Back to base? Start working on that Rylai's scepter. Finish it, get rod of ages. You're tanky and AP isn't your concern by late game. I like to get Frozen Heart. Spirit Visage is great for your ult, and I like Force of Nature for most of my MR. Game should be done by now. If not, try Hourglass.

In the laning phase, you're a beast. If you are getting out harassed, play it cool until level 6 where you should destroy them. Mid game you should be ganking lanes fairly easily. Late game, you're off tank/utility. Someone's trying to run? Snare. Carry being attacked, snare/slow. You'll be in the middle of all fights, most likely. So pay attention and do what's best for the team. You probably won't be killing much by the end, but that's what your actual carries are for, ^_^

meh he's easy, just do this and that

Efficient Strategy, If we approach strategically from the flank....

Follow the build and skill order choices that people have been giving you so far. DRing, Boots1, RoA/Rylais/Spirit Visage and then either go pure AP if your team needs burst or all tank items if you need some more survivability.

As for fighting with him: Swain is one of those champs that doesn't have an even rhythm to his combat. It more ebbs and flows. You want to land a snare one way or another for initiation and then pop off everything you've got. It's almost like playing a fighting game character for the first few moments of a fight. As soon as your root lands, you rush E, then Q, Ignite (ALSO DFG or Gunblade if you happen to have one those) and turn on your ult and get in your target's face. Now EVERYTHING is on cooldown and you are just in bird form, running around hitting things until your skills come off cooldown. So its really fast input demand for a couple seconds and then its all spacing and helping teammates while your cooldowns refresh. Also, if you have Zhonya's, you can use its active to sit in statis a few seconds and heal with your ult up for free.

Now... if your team is winning the fight, your root should be coming back up so try to land it on a straggler. Hopefully your Ghost or Flash are still up and you can use those to close down the distance. If snare is still down but Q is up, use that for the slow. Anything you can do to stay on top of them while your ult is going is good. If your team is losing the fight, then run out with the rest of them and turn off your ult only if you are going to run out of enough mana to cast your snare. I have single-handedly saved our team from losing multiple games by landing a root after a lost team fight too keep us from getting wiped.

Also, try to get blue buff unless someone else on your team (Lux/Anivia) desperately needs it. It will let you keep your ult up way longer and reduces the cooldown on your AoE root, which can single-handedly win a fight.

Good luck!

Build him tanky with mana (ROA), laser bird, torment, root at the SAME time, press R, run beside them. When near OOM, turn off R, press Clarity, QWER again (after turning it off, R's cost will be resetted), continue the chase, watch them die.

For landing the root try and place it slightly behind the players but with them still in it, as the natural reaction when faced with an aoe like that is to run backwards. Wont work in higher elo's, but until then it should help.