Then you'll LOVE the Anorexic Jungler Meta!
Yes, that's right, 3 of your 5 players can now be fully expected to give up their creep score, buffs, kills and yes, their lives too, all so that your two carries can do SUPER GREAT*.
How Does This Work, you ask?
- Pick a jungler. It doesn't matter who you pick because you're worthless anyhow. Expect to be yelled at if you're not packing some hard CC in your kit, though.
- Your ranged DPS will be Graves because let's face it, if the other team draft picked him, your super pro teammates will dodge because "he took my main gg"
- Your AP carry will be someone with some CC and a bunch of AoE, and they will expect you to feed them kills. If they don't do well, it's your fault for not doing enough damage.
- The other two teammates, who are also worthless, will be your tank and support. If they look super thin, it's because they haven't stacked their gold-per-10 items yet. Don't worry, they will, they have no choice.
- Get your super pro carries to yell at your stupid support idiot to carry Clairvoyance. Now I know you're an idiot so I'll explain; CV is a summoner spell and it removes fog of war from an area (even inside bushes!) for a little while. This can be used to keep your stupid *** safe from ambushes and ganks. -- Because you're worthless, you'll definitely be ganked and counter-jungled unless the support babysits you. I mean, let's face it, you're a jungler because you're so awful at the game the only thing you can do half decently is PvE while your carries do all the hard work like pushing their lane up to the enemy turret and dipping into your jungle creeps for some extra gold.
- K, you're in game. If you start at blue, you will now give your blue buff to the AP carry in mid. Don't worry, you don't need it anyway because blue buff won't help you when you run back to the fountain for more potions, you pathetic loser. If you don't understand why you're doing this, uninstall and go die in a fire.
- If you don't start at blue, you will be returning to the fountain at level 3 or 4. This will result in you being screamed at by your carries, who both will need ganks ASAP. If you should choose to return to the jungle instead of ganking both lanes and giving the kills to your carries and holding both lanes while they buy items, you need to l2p, uninstall and go die in a fire.
- Your Graves will take your red buff at this point. You will go solo top and hold his lane for him while your AP carry takes your blue buff again. You will need to help your AP carry take your blue buff and protect him against the enemy, sacrificing yourself if need be. You should also give up your lich camp and wolves to your carries because they're easy to kill and good easy gold that you don't need because you're a pathetic loser and you're worthless. Hold both their lanes while they do this. Trust me, it's important, noob.
- When you are not fighting your double golem spawns, you will need to be ganking and warding despite being under leveled, under farmed and clearly a pathetic loser who is worthless. If you do not manage to do this successfully, uninstall and go die in a fire.
- While you are fighting your double golem spawns, you will need to be watching your team chat to see who is yelling at you. It will be everyone, but you will need to figure out which carry is the most angry (**** the tank and support, they are worthless anyway). You will need to figure out how to be two or three places at once, how to get gold for items and how to fight enemies who are out leveling you at breakneck speeds. If you can't manage that, uninstall and go die in a fire.
- Alright, we're fifteen minutes in. If Graves hasn't won the game yet, you'll need to start jumping into team fights and doing damage so that your AP carry can pick up kills from you. You'll need to sponge up damage as if you had three fully farmed warmogs, deal damage as if you had an IE and four fully farmed blood thirsters, soak up any CC that doesn't get dropped on your tank and peel everyone off of the support so that they can heal and shield the carries. You're like a tank and an assassin rolled into one! Who cares if you've only just managed to afford the first piece of your third item, YOU NEED TO DO BETTER DAMMIT.
- Anything negative beyond this point will need to be blamed on you because realistically, the team comp is totally solid except for you. Anorexic tank and anorexic support are great in the late game, just as they should be. Carries need to be protected by you because you are THE GANKER and THE WARDER and THE LANE SITTER and DOUBLE GOLEM KILLER and THE BUFF HELPER. You don't do anything, really. Just PvE because you're noob. We don't ask much, and what we do ask for, you'll probably fail at. Too bad we didn't have a good jungler... lol look at your items, noob.
**** you jungler. **** you. You're just like the tank and the support. You don't do ****, you're a ****ing loser and your face should be chopped off and fed to meal worms because we hate you so much. Seriously, uninstall and go die in a fire. Every game is 2v8 coz only Graves and me know how to play. ****ing r*****s. ****.
* Super Great may in fact mean Super Fail, but don't worry, if it happens to a carry, it's your fault. If it happens to you, it's your fault. You can solve this problem by uninstalling and dying in a fire, you pathetic worthless loser.
* * *
TL;DR - jungler don't need gold, items, buffs. jungler needs to L2P! then we can have a good meta. P.S. I'm taking the second red buff because you don't deserve that one either.