Dear Creatures of Acquired Taste,
It has come to my, Fiddlesticks, attention that there are several restaurants and other high quality food establishments open both in the League itself and around the land of Valora. However as I am trapped in my tower and unable to consume your mortal foods for any enjoyment, I have decided to open up a discussion group instead. A group for those of us with more refined palates.
Palettes that include the sweet taste of a well seasoned Yordle, lovely frozen flesh, maybe tiger meat or bugs, who can say? This is a place for the more monstrous of you, like me, to come together and discuss our findings, as well as maybe enjoy a few meals together, or share a few secrets.
~Fiddlesticks, Connoisseur of Doom
A More Refined Palate with Fiddlesticks
Greetings summoners, champions, and potential foods, I will now compile a list of the variety of tastes of all champions to the best of my ability, enjoy. I know I will. Fiddlesticks wipes some green slime from his mouth.
Ahri - This lovely fox is quite hard to pin down, and for some reason is sending me very mixed signals. Always running this way, then back to me, then away again, and then hitting me in the face with fire. Think of her as a very Spicy Fox. With the right mixture of seasoning and a little bit of well timed control, you can satisfy your tastebuds.
Akali - This ninja is not much of a threat to me. She thinks she so clever hiding in her shadows. BAH! I'll show her. I'm a scarecrow! It's my job to hide out in cornfields and scare people, her smoke bombs are no different. I'll devour her no matter where she runs. Shadows always have a rather good taste to them too.
Alistar - Look at this bloated purple cow. This guy could feed a murder of crows for days! I plan to serve up this side of beef to my precious pets. All of them, there is plenty to go around.
Amumu - Some of you might be thinking "Fiddlesticks, wouldn't dusty old tear stained bandages taste awful?" Well, I'm sure they would if I ate things the same way as you pathetic mortals did. To me though his sadness is a very sweet taste. Aged to perfection really. He does have a nasty habit of spreading that sadness around though.
Anivia - Another oddball, this bird doesn't seem to want to thaw out, even in death! She only keeps coming back as cold as ever. You are breaking my heart Aniva. I want to taste you cooked. You force me to eat you cold though. Still good though. In egg form she is close to death but at the same time growing full of life, an absolute whirlwind of flavors. Life and death.
Annie - Awwww, precious little dark child, so steeped in dark energies. One day she may make a great dark sorceress yet. Until then though she as sweet as any veal, and seeing as she likes to play with fire she comes precooked.
Ashe - This icy mistress has shot me down more than once. Get it? It's a pun. HAHAHAHA. Though I will say she is quite the meal. Such well bred and royal meat, and with a side of bird as well! All chilled of course.
Blitzcrank - This hot yellow machine packs quite a punch, while at the same time managing to be very, very oily. All those springs and sprockets and daily oilings have left this metal man saturated in his own juices and primed for eating. Though it is easier to sneak up on this Tin Man when he hasn't been oiled recently. Hehehehe...
Brand - OH GREAT OLD ONES IT TASTE LIKE BURNING!!! PUT IT OUT PUT IT OUT PUT IT OUT!!
Caitlyn - This sweet as a tart sheriff lugs around very well made cupcakes. I just have to get the recipe from her. Sadly every time I approach her one of us causes a ruckus. Either she shoots me square in the face(imagine the nerve) or I end up getting too excited and just sucking out her soul.
Cassiopeia - Ahhh, the once lovely mistress of noxus. While I never saw her in her prime, I could only imagine she must have once been quite the looker, like a raw side of beef. Delicious. Now though she is tainted by her own conniving ways. It burns, but in a good way. If you can get past the horribly fatal poison, which should be easy if you aren't mortal like me, then she has quite the surprising taste to her. A bit earthy if I do say so.
Cho'gath - Ahhhh! Now here is a fellow Connoisseur, truly a refined palate such as his needs no introduction. However it seems that such a well versed taste has made him quite something to taste. A whole melting pot of every champion, and several things completely new to me. Oh how nice it must be to travel the world and taste it's pleasures. Luckily I get a small sneak peak whenever we meat on the battlefield.
Corki - This highflying yordle sure likes to feed me. I am more than happy to eat lead though. So complex as well. A very bright flavor, with long drags of hotness in it. As well as some extra KICK every few bites. I just have to find out how he mixes his bombs like that on the field. It would surely add to the flavor of any champion.
Darius - Blood and Steel
Diana - The absence of light itself, a pale reflection. A very subtle but delicious taste.
Draven - Turducken
Dr. Mundo - MUNDO! (Grape Juice)
Elise - To be honest I'm probably one of the few who find her true form far more appetizing. While mortal men are lured in by her seductive looks, I am lured in by the strength she draws from draining her victims dry. She is a literal melting pot of assorted tastes, many of which aren't exactly champions either. Hehehehe.
Evelynn - Shadows
Ezreal - Dirt(What did you expect from an explorer? Take a bath once in a while)
ME!!! - DOOOOOM!
Fiora - Arrogance
Fizz - Calamari
Galio - Rock Candy
Gangplank - Orange Juice
Garen - DEMACIA!! and Ham(Tastes like Katarina for some reason as well...)
Gragas - *Hic!*
Graves - Smoked Ham
Hecarim - Horse-meat in an Ectoplasm sauce
Heimerdinger - BRAINS!!! SO MANY BRAINS!!!! Fiddlesticks begins drooling excessively suddenly. Right...where was I?
Irelia - Pain
Janna - Whipped Cream(egg whites maybe?)
Jarvan IV - Stag
Jax - Fish
Jayce - This one's pretty cocked sure of himself, so I'll go with Chicken!
Kah'Zix - This large void beast is an excellent main course, if a bit dangerous. His large pincers pack quite the punch, but the delicious bug crunch makes it worth while.
Karma - Marble Ice Cream
Karthus - Dust and Bones
Kassadin - The Void (It's a very distinct taste, can't really describe it)
Katarina - Cherry Pie (And Garen for some reason...)
Kayle - Angel Food Cake
Kennen - Electrical Burn
Kog'Maw - Slime
LeBlanc - Flora
Lee Sin - Eating him is like hearing a fight happening in my head
Lenoa - Parrot? That's weird...
Lulu - Sweets
Lux - Vitamin D
Malphite - Rock Candy
Malzahar - Nothing...he tastes like nothing...
Maokai - Syrup
Master Yi - Speed
Miss Fortune - Gunpowder(Something else also, but I don't think I'm allowed to say. Naughty Naughty.)
Mordekaiser - METAL
Morgana - Devils Food Cake
Nasus - Hot Dogs
Nautlius - Rust
Nidalee - Cougar
Nacturne - Nightmares
Nami - More seafood to add to my collection. I am more than happy to accept her onto the list, as one can only devour Fizz so many times. Nami however is a different sort, the very tide it would seem at her beck and call. She brings with her a venerable buffet of sealife aquatica for my sampling. Well worth getting these old timber bones wet.
Nunu - Shaved Ice
Brolaf - Graggy Ice
Orianna - A battery
Pantheon - Fresh Bread
Poppy - Iron
Rammus - Ok
Renekton - Alligator Meat
Rengar - The thrill of the hunt! I can taste many things in him, as well as a lot of tuna for some reason.
Riven - Rabbit Stew
Rumble - Coconuts
Ryze - That New Books Smell
Sejuani - Bacon
Shaco - Now here is an acquired taste if there is a taste I've ever needed to acquire. Which I haven't. Talk about a funny guy, real funny. Like, I actually want to laugh while eating him. It's actually a little spooky, and that's coming from me. I have to admit this clown knows his stuff. I can't quite pin down the taste either. Sometimes I think it's one thing, then it's another, and sometimes it suddenly becomes a third thing that freaks you out because it changed as you were eating it. As well he comes with his own To-Go Boxes. What a fun guy.
Shen - Painkillers
Shyvana - Grilled Meat
Singed - Poison
Sion - Rotting Meat
Sivir - Gold
Skarner - Scorpion
Sona - Sona - What could be better than feasting on a delicious, plump champion then being serenaded while having your meal? Nothing, because it's awful, which is why I like this quiet little bird. Normally I'm not one much for sounds of peoples death throes. I'm more into the horrific screaming brought on by absolute terror. So I suppose I do miss out a bit on that. Though I will have to say, the sound of her life ending is music to my ears!
Soraka - Unicorn
Swain - Ravens
Synda - At first, I didn't taste too much. So I let her age a bit, and when I came back, WOW. What a kick in the taste buds.
Talon - All I have to say is if you mess with this purple clad assassin, he'll leave you looking like swiss cheese. That must make him one sharp cheddar. Hehehehe...
Taric - Diamonds
Teemo - Mushroom Stew and a side of Rabbit
Tristana - I have heard word that she quite likes the fruit scented shampoos. Who knew this rowdy cannoneer would think to smell good on the field of battle? In particular, maybe to match her skin, she often tastes like blueberries. Oh how one day I wish to try her in a pie. Her and all other Yordles. A big Yordle Pie. DELICIOUS!
Trundle - OH GOD ITS AWFUL!!!
Tryndamere - Sweat
Twisted Fate - Cajun Cuisine
Twitch - Flees
Udyr - He changes flavors, must depend on his move
Urgot - Crab
Varus - Revenge
Vayne - Demons
Veigar - Just a little Ebil really. Short entry, but it speaks to my short attention span.
Vi - How appropriate for her name to rhyme with DIE. This punky lass sure brings something that has been lacking thus far to the league, and that is one badass lady. No class here, but that's just how I like it. Straight to the point, she is a burst of flavor in my mouth. Though even I have to admit the resounding power of her punches leaves even me a bit shaken.
Viktor - Talk about a man(machine?) who knows how to get things done! He's already prepared in advanced for me. He's done away with any flaws and weaknesses in his taste and has upgraded with stronger, longer lasting flavors! I believe even detect a bit of mana coursing through his veins as a seasoning. A very energizing and refreshing meal if I do say so myself. The only problem is to get to such a meal you have to get past all the lasers and other deathtraps. Well worth the effort though.
Vladimir - Blood
Volibear - Bear
Warwick - Manatee(So that's what urf tasted like. Pretty good...)
Wukong - Banana's
Xerath - Magic
Xin Zhao - Shish Kabob
Yorick - Spirits
Zed - Here is a bit of tricksy one. Ninja's always are, as they tend to taste more or less the same, always sneaking in the shadows, and jumping into the fray when at first not seen. However this champion has been tainted by shadows, and to me it's like he has been marinating in the most delicious of juices. His tender soul and life remind me of home.
Ziggs - Explosions
Zilean - Haven't I already tasted him before?
Zyra - A lovely cornucopia of very painful fruit.
[[So the idea behind this thread is really just so I have a place to put my champion flavors thing without stretching out the front post in the Ask thread. It's kind of already pretty long and will only get longer, especially as I plan to update all of the "flavors" to be a bit more descriptive and therefore lengthier than one or two words.
Any thoughts on the matter or what not are very much appreciated. Even if you just want to suggest flavors for champions. In the style of your champion would be even better, for the few that actually enter that realm.]]