Runeterra News at Nine is sponsored in part by Hextech Industries
Are you tired of boring old weapons that use boring old kinetic energy to inflict damage on your foes? Well now you don't have to be! Introducing our newest product, the Hextech Big ****ing Laser Sword - All the power of your typical oversized sword in a lightweight ergonomic design, functional yet stylish, and capable of cleaving through 20 inches of reinforced steel in a single swing!
Side effects of Hextech products include **** leakage, blood in mucus, blood in tears, blood in hair, melting and/or purpling of the skin, and amphibian polymorphism. Not recommended for pregnant mothers. Remember, drive responsibly, and never under the influence of relics of untold arcane power.