Day 1 and 2 listed here http://na.leagueoflegends.com/board/...eemoapocalypse
Day 3: A Tale of Two Cleavers....and Two More...and Two More
It was the best of patches; it was the worst of patches.
It's already been two days of this hellish war, the Blackfire Rebellion nearly all but wiped out all our tanky derps. The few that remain are glued to the corner of a room in the basement, stacking Tears and clicking on potions to keep their shattered minds at ease.
It truly is a horrifying sight, seeing the most elite of all of the melee spamming community be reduced to such a degree that the atmosphere would make Amumu seem as happy as Lux and Lulu doing a /laugh spamming duet.
"What are Teemo's movements," I asked the Nurse in the now ravaged ruins of Doctor Taric's Clinic.
Why ask a nurse about troop movement? A sensible person might ask. Simple, the nurse always knows everything about anything in just about all the games and movies ever made. If you ask the tactical advisor, he'll just say something like "kings honor friend," or "I heard the princess really likes knight A, but is being forced to marry prince B." Completely useless.
"**** you," she replied to my query.
I drank an oracle and smacked a ruler upside her head.
After an intense fifteen minutes of initiating ruler diplomacy, she told me everything that transpired over the night, but the writer is too lazy to explain it, so I decided to see what new development was happening with the Teemo since the new patch went live.
It was a gruesome sight to behold; abandoned Frozen Hearts and Omens littered the landscape. Corpses of the early vanguard of armor stacking horrors that unknowingly went into the Blackfire War blindly clad in Thornmail and comfortably equipped with Ninja Tabi's, lay lifeless on the scar.
To make matters worse the medical bay had just run out of their supply of Force of Natures, and Odyn's Veils are as useful Garen drinking a mana pot.
There was nothing pleasant about what I witnessed; the Crystal Scar was haunted by ghosts of the fallen bruisers instalockers and summoners who dove 1v4 on the enemy turrets. It was enough to make me slightly queasy, like the sight of a Rammus taunting a minion. Was there no salvation for the scar? Are we doomed to be slaves to Teemo and his cursed Blackfire Torch...?
"Mistress," a shady looking Pirate Captain Ninja Slaying Vampire Samurai with Half the Blood of a Warwick from Riot R&D interrupted. We have devised a way to slay the Teemo. Our division has developed a new item that will once again give supremacy to bruiser abusers and put the "win" back in Win Zhao."
I stood in place stupefied by the sudden turn of events. You know? It's always convenient how things work out like this. When there's a problem, a shady man will have the answer. The person writing this story should be ashamed of the morals he's setting and how lazy he is when he fills the plot with such a lethargic solution, if there was a plot to begin with. And what happened to my accent? Is he that lazy that he can't incorporate it in the third part...? I digress...
"I'll take the item. Give it to me." I demanded, not wanting to hear him rant about how he obtained the item by walking 50 miles in a Nunu ult, up Malphite both ways, while being chased by Sejuani, and fighting Shyvana's Mom; and how when he was a young lad back in the good ol' days: Irelia's nerfed themselves and Pricillas Blessing was still being sold in stores.
"Chillax brosef," he smugly retorted like a Yordle potty-training. "I don't have the item. You must venture with the Holy Olaf, Veigar Greybeard, and a hologram of Tu Noc and Ziggy Lawls into the lane until you've acquired enough gold to pay me to tell you where it is..."
I pulled my ruler out to paint his eye black...
...then, the unspeakable happened...the shady man lay on the ground, a shield was embedded in his face...the culprit: a man...a truly majestic man who's only raiment was helmet and a speedo...garnered with six weapons stacked together as if boots and other items didn't matter to him...the mysterious weapons are in the shape of cleavers with the same familiar demonic radiance as the devils torch...
"I have the weapon you're looking for. My name....is Hemantheon. AND TONIGHT! WE DINE ON FAIL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11111"
<----Hemantheon with Six-Cleaver Abs