Today we mourn Urf, The Manatee, who captured out hearts and washed away all of our fears. It was a sad moment, the death of the sea cow and the culprit is still yet to be caught. Yes, Wawrick, the Blood Hunter has claimed Urf’s skin, but as all fans of the League of Legends know, Warwick is an agile hunter who chases down the remnants of enemies who have endured and barely survived tough team battles. So it may be safe to say that Warwick is not the murderer. But who did the dastardly deed? In the fashion of a popular board game, we have constructed possible scenarios for the tragedy that has happened.
Was it Gangplank (ARGH!) with his pirate ship (because perhaps of his anger of soon having to face TWO ninjas with no ally) near the waters of Baron Nashor that stroke our beloved Urf and led him to Davy Jones’ Locker all too soon? Or did Heimerdinger do it at the Blue Nexus with his upgraded Micro-Torpedoes, to “collect” Urf for his innards and fat to create some new and powerful invention? Or had Annie, our cute but deadly Dark Child, thrown a temper tantrum and killed Urf at the watered gate of the Dragon by Incinerating the water that he loved so much, thus cooking him alive? Did Articuno… erm… Anivia’s envy for the water mammal’s great swimming ability finally result in her freezing the waters of Summoner’s Rift to finally rid the world of the manatee? Or maybe, Jax, Urf’s hero, turned on the unfortunate soul in the dark shadows of the Fog of War to replace his tiresome lamppost with that of the manatee’s superior spatula? Or did Corki, in an effort to replace his Gatling gun with Urf’s, shoot his phosphorous bomb into the sea and “explodeded” the manatee? But we must not disregard the possibility of a new, unseen hero killing the manatee. Was it, as manatee folklore dictates, a hero, with trident in hand, made of part man and part fish, who killed the manatee and stole his ever growing abilities?
The true answer may never be known… but perhaps there was no single perpetrator. Perhaps it was either suicide or a plot by all the champions to destroy the sea cow. Did Urf, with his friendly nature commit suicide so as not to enter the League and use his “pwnage” skills or was he brutally annihilated by all the rest of the heroes for fear of him becoming the true champion? Or perhaps there was no source from within the League for the manatee’s demise. May it have been an external, outside forcing controlling the League and all its inhabitants? Had Urf given up on life because this source, we won’t name names (*cough* Riot), would never let him enter the games?
So after constructing this report (which is comprised of more questions than answers) we have come to no real conclusion of how fate took or friend, or ally, or partner. We can only hope that one day Urf will return to us with either a new-found thirst for human brains or as an entity from beyond having unfinished business with the League of Legends.
We love you Urf and you truly will be missed. Rest in Peace…………………………………
P.S. And finally I sure do hope that Urf's death was not a practical joke set by Shaco gone horrible awry...
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