*tap* *tap* Is this thing on? Okay, what am I announcing? Pentakill is proud to announce that we have officially replaced our recently deceased drummer… uh… whatever his name was. The fifth member of Pentakill is now Olaf, the Berserker. Just wait until you hear the drum rolls this guy pulls off on Undertow, and the way he makes the crowd roar with his Reckless Swing.
I think he was going to introduce himself, but he’s passed out.
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I was trying to wake him up, but whenever I go near him the wolves start growling at me. Just give them the publicity shots and the press release and get them the #$% out of here. I’m almost out of Bloody Mary mix, and this hangover isn’t going to cure itself.
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Sorry, we usually don’t make these announcements ourselves, but Olaf decided it might be a good idea to board his pet wolves in with the audio equipment. Apparently when your tour bus says, “contents may shift in transit” on the side it means, “vicious, live animals may escape.” Long story short, we’ve got a job opening for a publicist, and a new liability rider to add to the employment contract. Just refer to the press package with any questions you might have.
Hey, none of you happen to have the phone number for animal control, do you?