Dear Draven

By Draven

Welcome to “Dear Draven,” a new column offering sage advice to harried husbands, worried wives, sullen sweethearts, temperamental teens, and just plain folks in general.

Dear Draven,

I have a book report due tomorrow and I haven’t read anything yet! If I fail this assignment I’ll have to repeat junior high for the fourth time and my parents will take away my pet cobra. What should I do?

     - Worried Book Guy

Dear Worried,

Have you tried throwing axes at the book? You’re welcome.

P.S. I also have a pet cobra. Her name is Draven.

Dear Draven,

My roommate keeps eating the special sandwiches I make myself for lunch. I’ve asked him a dozen times to stop, but he pretends to fall asleep every time I bring it up. Is he really asleep and what should I do to make him stop?

     - Sandwhicher

Dear Sandwhicher,

You need to have an open, honest conversation with your roommate about his ability to catch axes. Axes you throw. At him. You’re welcome.

Dear Draven,

What is the lowest common denominator of the following fractions? Show your work.

1/7, 1/9, 1/11, 1/13

  1. 1
  2. 7
  3. 13
  4. 9009

     - Number Cruncher

Dear Number,

E. Throw axes at it. (See below for work). You’re welcome.

2 years ago

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